Starting School and A Future Life of Crime

Is it wrong to credit my four year old with the ability of extreme cunning? No, I thought not. In fact, I have been pondering the criminal age of responsibility of late. How on earth is it as late as 10 years old? He’s four now, so by 10 he’s bound to be some sort of master criminal.

In fact, so intrigued was I by this apparently anomoly in the rule of law, that I did some back breaking internet research yesterday (first day back at work…). This tells me that whilst an under 10 cannot be charged with committing a criminal offence that they can be given either:

1. Local Child Curfew
The police can ban children from being in a public place between 9pm and 6am, unless accompanied by an adult. This is called a Local Child Curfew and can last for up to 90 days.

If a child breaks their curfew, they can be given a Child Safety Order.

2. Child Safety Order
If a child has committed an offence or broken a Local Child Curfew, they can be placed under the supervision of a youth offending team. This is called a Child Safety Order.

If a child doesn’t stick to the rules of an order, the court can consider if the child should be taken into care.

I can’t see either of these being particularly effective in negating his future life of crime. Although I am a ‘bad’ mummy, I’m not a ‘BAD’ mummy. Think ignoring pleas for social interaction and being more interested in my laptop than ‘creative messy play’ rather than drinking myself into oblivion with 7 dirty and undressed children roaming the streets like a pack of rabid dogs. There’s a vast difference. He is, of course, safely locked in his room from 7pm-7am so a local curfew is out. Thus I deduce he’ll be given a Child Safety Order when he commits his first international banking fraud at 7 years old. This, I can’t see being very effective. Taking him into care will only mean he is able to bring a whole ream of different children into his criminal fold. He’s a bit like the pied piper, escapes scot free whilst others happily plunge into the murky depths of the river or cave. He’s already learnt the number one criminal rule – get others to do your dirty work.

Anyway, his certain criminal future aside, he started school last Wednesday. Buoyed by suggestions that this would “make him tired”, I waited with excited anticipation for this to materialise. No such bloody luck. He’s like one of those little mechanical toys that you wind up, except that he never winds down. To be honest, I did have my slight suspicions that this would be the case as his nursery day was 7.30am-6.30pm whereas he is now only doing 8.30am-4.30pm but other parents assured me that “it’s different, a new experience, it will tire him out, he’ll be falling asleep as you get him home”. Like bollocks he is. He’s like a cat that got the proverbial cream. He loves it – more potential ‘friends’ to implicate in his criminal master plan and less supervision (teacher and TA between 30) to find him out. I think he’s concentrating on the weak and needy first. Then he’ll be moving on to the ‘big boys’.


Son’s knees and elbow after just three days at school. I hope he’s not fighting. He annoyingly told the teacher that “mummy bought me shoes two sizes too big as she says my feet grow too fast”. Dirty Snitch. 

Pregnancy Diary Continues:


24 weeks pregnant. Not much bumpage and the bit that looks like a bump is my fat roll that’s moved up from just above the public area. I suspect I may ‘measure small’ again, like last time. Still, I can hope that means more work time scans. 

About badmummydiary

one five year old. one under one. they do not define me. but do make me rant.
Aside | This entry was posted in Parenting, Pregnancy, Work and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Starting School and A Future Life of Crime

  1. Love your writing, glad you’re back at work you’ll have time to tweet & blog then.


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