Welcome to my home one and all (or to the 5 visitors I seem to get reading my blog each time I post. I suspect they must be different people each time, they visit once, and subsequently disappear into the ether, possibly shaking uncontrollably from their experience). Anyway, visitor numbers were never the idea. Oh no, it’s all about writing my diary and distracting myself from work.
Anyway, my last post didn’t seem to go down too well – politics. I should have followed my sniffer dog instinct. No other ‘mummy blogs’ have political rantings. Note that this may not stop me in the future, but I will at least try attempt to rein in my incoherence.
So anyway, I’ve done some poking (or in-depth research) around the great net of inter and discovered that:
1. most blogs have lots photos to enhance the wordage
2. pictures of the individual blogger’s home environment seem popular
I suspect this is to give the dear reader a clear impression of the otherwise remote internet being and make them feel more real and friend worthy. Creating empathy, if you will.
I have also noted the photography methods. I actually do some paid photo work on the side of my very dull career (mainly portraits and kids) but I note the need in these blogs for small apertures, and neutral, non-vivid colour settings. So, anyway, I’ve stuck on my 50m 1.4f (my most fave lens) and I got clicking this morning.
I’ve added handy hints below each photo if anyone would like to recreate the homely atmosphere I cultivate chez Mauvaise Mere.
So jump aboard and WELCOME to BAD MUMMY DIARY’S home – please wipe the poo from your shoes before entering….
1. Upstairs Bathroom
The look above can best be described as “Man Of The House Misses Bin Again”. I’m particularly taken by the way the earwax stained cotton bud has fallen to the side of the bin and despite, I presume, this being obvious to The Man in question, he has clearly decided to ignore his poor aim and hope the House Fairies come in afterwards and rectify his mistake.
This one is entitled “Hair in Bath Plughole”. Easy to recreate for any crafters – grow hair long and suffer from involuntary gagging reflex when trying to empty, thus avoiding this task when at all possible.
2. Could be any room in the house
If you like natural history, this look is for you, “Dead Insects Collected Under The Radiator”. Sadly I went over the top on the aperture on this one so the dead bluebottle in front of the larger insect has been blurred out.
3. Innovative Kids Storage Solutions
This look is almost designer in the seemingly random way the objects have been chucked on the nearest flat surface. Also known as “Where The Hell Does All This Shit Come From”. Note how the bin is empty but the shelves seem full of rubbish. Tracy Emin eat your heart out.
4. Welcome! The Entrance Hallway
For three and a half years, the first thing that greets you on entry to the home is the lack of skirting boards in the hallway. We have them in the garage. It just needs someone with some degree of motivation to get involved. On a positive note, the gap between the tiles and the wall is ideal for brushing large bits of mud and dust into for that “just cleaned the house look”.
5. Downstairs Toilet
This is the “sorry, I left that job to The Man” area of the house. Last week Bad Mummy cleaned the upstairs toilet and was told, with what seemed to be solemn sincerity, that he would do the downstairs. Currently a stand-off is occurring. He is the only one that uses this facility – for the ‘morning motion’. So the door is currently closed and I’m ignoring.
6. The Garden
As the daily migration of the guinea pig cage to new pastures continues, increasing numbers of ‘poo patches’ appear. I feel as they’re vegetarians, if I were Bear Grylls, I’d add some to the evening stir fry, but I haven’t been brave enough yet.
7. The Lounge / Sitting Room / Drawing Room (whichever takes you fancy)
8. Interesting Cracks
These appear around the whole house. I like to think they add character. Can be recreated by buying a 1950s style house that an old lady lived in for over 60 years (suspect she was young to begin with).
THE END – quite enough for now I think. Hope you’ve enjoyed the tour. I am, of course, available for interior design consultations at very reasonable hourly rates.
Bad Mummy xx